Vulnerable
by DarkPoltergeist
Summary: Han muses on his feelings for Leia on the way to Bespin and realizes that he is vulnerable... and while Han sleeps, Leia contemplates her future with Han...
1. Chapter 1

**Vulnerable**

 **By Dark Poltergeist**

 **Han**

"Leia," I whisper, brushing my lips softly against her hairline.

She sleeps. Quiet within the security of my arms, and I find that I never want her to leave. I want to stay like this with her nestled against my chest, trusting me to keep her safe while she is most vulnerable.

How the hell did that even happen?

I was attracted by her fiery personality and beauty the first time I saw her in that damn garbage chute. I didn't always agree with what she was doing, but I found that I cared about her, and in short order I found myself regarding the young woman with something akin to awe. A new experience for me.

She was an attractive woman, but much more than that, and she became a friend. I still don't know how it happened but I found myself falling in love with her. Me, mercenary, smuggler, rogue, scoundrel, someone that never got attached to anyone was laid low by this young woman who was giving everything for the cause she believed in.

Though I didn't always believe in her cause, I did believe in her, and damned if I was going to leave.

Me? In love? I would have laughed if it wasn't so damn painful because it was true. We slipped into a phase where we fought all the time, and it wasn't that long ago. I was upset because I finally admitted my feelings for her to myself, because I knew there was no way out of this one, and I didn't like it. Not one little bit.

You see, I love women, as in I love to be with them. I am a man who enjoys sex, and I've had many mutually satisfying encounters. I never had to look too hard, they came to me. I pursued very few women, never had to. A crooked smile, some general flirting and I had what I wanted. It was all I needed.

That was before Leia blew into my life. I'm still not sure what she did to me.

He gently kissed her brow.

Hoth was so God-damned cold! But somehow it drew us closer together. "Those magnificent fights were all foreplay, weren't they?" I smile and barely brush her cheek, she makes a sound of contentment and pressed closer to me.

I was going to tell you I was going to stay and support your cause because somehow you still hadn't figured out why I was still around. Everyone else knew. I was around because of you, Leia.

"Always because of you," I murmured.

When you got hurt on Ord Mantell, I couldn't stand it. I wasn't going to risk you anymore, I couldn't. Knowing that something could happen to you because of me was more painful to me than the thought of my own death.

That's when I knew for sure that I loved you. Completely and hopelessly.

I have to leave you, I have to keep you safe from Jabba no matter what it costs me.

And mostly, no matter that I love you; that I need you, that I desire you. I don't deserve you, I never have. I'm too old for you, you're too young for me; you're a Princess and I'm a smuggler; and you're perfect and I'm . . . not.

"I love you, Princess," I whisper in your ear and you mumble something incomprehensible in your sleep.

We are now trapped on my ship for an extended number of days as we limp to Bespin and it's probably the luckiest break I ever had. I want to confess my deep secret, say the words I haven't been able to say to your face, but it would be unfair to you. I will have to leave you behind to deal with Jabba and whatever fate awaits me. I won't let him near you to so we will have to separate.

I can feel that you love me too, at least I think so, but I'm not sure why. I want to be part of your life, I want to wrap you up and carry you away from every care you ever had. I want to fly you away from your troubles and give you the life that a Princess deserves, but I can't.

You allowed me to give you pleasure this night. To touch you, to be the first man that you experienced sex with, and I am both humbled and honored by your trust in me. I will do my best to never disappoint you. It's the first time that I truly made love to a woman, and you are beyond perfect.

I never want to leave you and I fear what the future will bring to us. But until we get to Bespin, Princess, I will do everything I can to make you happy. You deserve so much more than I can give you. And if I can come back to you I will.

You are everything to me.

Vulnerable in your sleep you sigh softly and seem at peace, and I am glad I could offer you some solace in your troubled journey.

Vulnerable because of my emotions, I close my eyes and hold you tight, wanting to remain lost in your embrace, lost in the feel of your skin against mine forever.

"Leia," I breathe and you peer out from mahogany brown eyes filled with sleep.

"Get some sleep, Hotshot. I have plans for you in the morning," you sigh as you let sleep claim you once again.

If it is even possible I pull you closer and bury my face in your softly, cascading hair.

"Love you," I murmur and drift off to sleep, my soul at peace for the first time in my life.

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 _AN: Thanks for reading – reviews are awesome!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Vulnerable**

 **By Dark Poltergeist**

 **Leia**

"Leia," he murmurs my name in my ear and slowly open my eyes to stare into his hazel ones, gold now with some warm emotion that I can feel flowing through him.

"Get some sleep, Hotshot. I have plans for you in the morning," I sigh and close my eyes as I nestle against his chest. He pulls me tighter and I am content to feel his arms around me. Drowsily I drift towards sleep.

"Love you," he murmurs as sleep claims him and I wonder if I dreamt the words.

Awake now, but comfortable, I move just enough so that I can gaze at his handsome face. He's peaceful now and looks like a little boy who never learned how to comb his hair. His face is relaxed, eyes fluttering in a dream. I love his eyes and how they change color depending on his mood. The saying that "eyes are the window to one's soul" has never been truer than it is with him.

Tonight, I saw a new color; they were dark golden with desire as he regarded me, and became even darker when we began to kiss. I had seen a lighter version of that color before and thought I knew what it meant but now I am sure.

Is it so wrong that I'm glad I can evoke that response in him? That I'm glad to see the change in his body when he admires me?

I've kept myself from admitting it for so long, but he's so damned attractive that I can hardly stand it.

I was captivated by his rugged good looks from the beginning, but I was not about to tell him that and inflate his already over-sized ego! Unfortunately, an irritating personality came along with the oh so attractive package named Han Solo.

But still, I was attracted, and I hated it. I knew I was lost early on, but convinced myself otherwise. I mean, how could there ever be an us?

The concept was ludicrous, ridiculous beyond belief. And I don't say that because of the different stations in life that we occupied. I say that because we seemed like oil and vinegar, fire and ice, complete opposites in every way imaginable.

But he stuck around and fate began to throw us together. He was still annoying but something about him made me feel safe. Even when we were screaming at each other, I knew he cared. And I realized I did too. He is a challenge but he sees me for the real person that I am.

I realized that I could trust him, that we could be friends, and the idea warmed my heart.

He ignored the figurehead, the last, sad Princess of Alderaan that I had become. He ignored the pedestal that others put me on, and he made me earn his respect. He treated me like any other person that fell into his orbit and for that I am grateful. He saved me in ways that I didn't know I needed saving, and he gave me a reason to live again, and I'm so glad.

My fingers gently stroke his chest and he sighs in contentment at the touch of my hand. My heart nearly explodes with feeling for him.

Why did I wait so long to be with you?

The real Han Solo is so different than the image he projects. He is nice men. He is kind, generous, and loyal to those he calls friends. He has risked his life many times for all of us but he still acts as if it were nothing, as if we shouldn't care that he risked everything for us.

Why is that? Do you somehow feel unworthy? You are not less than any of us, certainly not less than me. No one is worthier of me than you, there is no one else that I want to be with. And you helped me get rid of that pesky "virgin Princess" title that I'd been carrying around! Thank you for that. You are such a tender lover, caring to be sure I wasn't hurt, caring to make my first time a pleasurable experience. I couldn't have asked for more.

I don't know how to tell him that I love him. I never learned about relationships in Princess class, and I certainly never learned about falling in love with a scoundrel.

"With my scoundrel," I murmur and lie my head on your chest.

But I know I shouldn't rush things. I am so glad that the Falcon broke and gave us this time together. Lately I have an unshakable feeling that somehow, we are meant to be together, that it's important we be together. I will bide my time, enjoying the time we have and ignore that when we get to Bespin I may lose you, maybe forever. If I have my way I will go with him to Jabba's. I don't want him facing that scum alone.

He wants to protect me even though I seldom need it, and I love him for that. And I think that maybe, just maybe, he loves me too. It took me a long time but I'm finally figuring it out. He stayed because of me. He took care of me when I needed someone to do that, he brought me little presents when he returned from his supply runs. These were all ways of him showing his love only I didn't understand.

And I was afraid. I was afraid of you. Or more precisely, I was afraid of my feelings for you. And the fact that you seemed to have feelings for me.

Now I regret all of it. How much time did we waste? But thankfully it will take us a month to get to Bespin. I have a month to be Leia. A month for you to be Han. No pretenses, no lies, just honesty between us.

Just time between us.

Time to hold you, time to love you, time to be with you. I will deal with the rest of it later.

War is a horrible thing and much as I hate it, it brought us together and for that I am thankful.

And if I am selfish with this one thing, I don't care. I want you with me. Now and always. If I can only find the words to tell you how much you mean to me. But that can wait too. I am content to explore our new relationship and the possibilities that exist. Eager to know you in every possible way.

My senses begin to stir as I feel you waking. And I feel … yearnings that are new to me. Yearnings that I no longer want to suppress. Unable to help myself, I tenderly brush your lips with mine. Then again, and again. Finally, I feel your lips turn in a smile undermine as my kisses have become more passionate.

"Somethin' you're want in' there, Sweetheart?"

"You, Han. I want you."

His beautiful eyes, dark golden with desire open and he gazes into my dark eyes which must be smoldering by now.

"You're okay?'

Even now, knowing that I am awakening his desire, he is more concerned with me than himself.

"I'm more than okay. I need to feel you!" I stare into his eyes now dark with need and I'm secretly pleased I can stir such feelings in him.

"Who am I to refuse a Princess?" he asks, but there is no bite to his words. Only unspoken love.

I have never felt so complete as in this moment.

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AN: Reviews are treasured – thanks for reading.


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